christmas!

is coming up this friday :) but its not gonna be as exciting as the years before since we were too lazy to have a christmas tree or give each other presents. the economy sucks im getting like no presents for anyone and im barely getting any either :( the only good thing going on is that some of my family from koreas hereee! my grandpa came on sunday, my cousin came yesterday from michigan, and my aunt came today. and tonight we're meeting up with my other cousin and his new wife for dinner. i always thought that i didnt like spending time with my family, but now that they're actually here i love it. i regret that there's always going to be some language barrier between us though. i know the basics but i cant fully express everything i want to say and i know that my family cant explain exactly what they want to say as well. but we still manage and im so thankful that they're here to spend winter break with me and my parents.

im trying to get focused now. i already got distracted when break started and went out every day and night on the weekend. and even though i feel really determined to finish up homework asap and get SAT studying started, its soo hard to actually do it lol. its like all i want to do is go out; i know thats how everyone feels but i feel guilty since my grades suck like no other. im worried about going to college :( i feel so stressed these days. most of its from my grades and studying, but 2 other big problems are God and him. as for God, i cant even call myself a christian right now. i can talk about this with my friends but its not like thats going to change anything unless i do something about it. i want to talk about it with him too but hes not even christian. im starting to reminisce a lot about the past too, like when i had people and friends who encouraged me in the right direction and i could talk about anything with them. but with him, its sorta different. its like the feelings are whats making the relationship work, but other than that its pretty hard to be consistent with each other. i dont want to give up and im certain that i wont, yet theres a part of me that sees the benefits of letting go and how easy that would be.. its making me so indecisive. i feel myself slowly changing too. i used to not care about the small things or the details, but since he's been pointing my problems out i cant help but notice every single thing he does. ughhh i hate this :( 

there was this one picture i came across that really touched me i guess? it said:

"the best thing about a picture is that it never changes, even when the people in it do."

maybe thats why i like to look at pictures and think back hahah. all this shit going on is making me so frustrated T___T i want to go to the beach and just stand at the shoreline and watch the waves where it meets the sky. sounds a bit ridiculous but thats really, honestly, genuinely, exactly what i want to do right now.

17

is what i will be tomorrow :)

the girls gave me the best surprise yesterday.. kidnapped me in the morning and forced me to wear a blindfold and that burger king hat freaken everywhere. we went to cheesecake factory at irvine spectrum first and it was my first time eating there! it was deliciousss. then blindfolded me again and had to endure through passerbys laughing at me :( but like riya said, i think i made many of their days seeing a helpless girl covered by an american flag scarf wearing a spongebob burger king hat hahaha. then we went to uni high.. to see irene! i was soo happy and surprised it was the best feeling :) then we went to northwood. and i really thought it was the beach. so that was kinda fail haha. and this was the most embarrassing fucking shit of my life. i still cant believe riya and heffy (and kevin?) made me do that LOL. you can see pictures on fb if you want to know what shit i went through haha. then kevin took me to fashion island! it was so pretty. went to mac store and took pictures, walked around and took pictures, went to build-a-bear and made kevin jr :) went to stores and tried on shit that we wouldnt buy -___- so many cute flannels and tops but he wouldnt let me buy them. good thing he was there LOL. then met up with the girls and kevins friends at spectrum. ate dinner at red robin and chillled. then everyone went to nrb while me and kevin left on our own :) 

overalll it was a great day; thank you girls and kevin for everything today.

1st person: thank you for yesterday. i got mad yesterday because i felt like i asked you to do something which you promised to, yet at the end of the day you couldnt keep it because of the guys. but i realized its kinda a stupid thing to get mad about especially since you and the girls did so much for me. thank you for everything girl.

2nd person: thank you too :) youre always there for me and to give me advice when i need it. i know we tend to fight a lot but recently we havent and thats a good sign haha. thanks for listening. and for the "save the dying dolphins" shit too. love you boo.

3rd person: you need to call me freaken asap.. stop lagging -____-

4th person: i miss talking to you. i still remember the day we randomly started talking because you were looking for this one girl that happened to look like me. we clicked like THAT and i miss that a lot. just sucks that we live so far away from each other. hope youre doing well and hopefully we'll be able to finally kick it one day :)

5th person: i love you and all but you seem really fake sometimes. kinda superficial. you seem so confident and happy on the outside, you try to hide your insecurity inside by doing whatever to keep that image. you can open up to us.. and not always be such a flirt too. haha

6th person: seriously my twin for life. girl you the best. we've been through a lot and im glad we always pulled through. i go to your house like everyday after school and i feel like i can tell you anything without being judged. thanks bestie

7th person: the other twin :) we havent caught up or chilled in a long time. we make plans but they never work out. i miss talking to you and being able to relate to each other about everything. stop being so busy you hoe. pick me up so we can go eat nigger

8th: i dont know you that well since youre a.. friends.. friend. haha. but i always catch myself looking at you cus youre so quiet, and i can tell that you have a lot of shit on your mind but you keep it in. let it out and open up whenever youre with us. let out your wild side :)

i want to say so much but i feel like i cant. theres things i want to do but i know not to do. all this internal conflict shit haha. i sometimes feel my old self coming back and being careless and doing what i want without thinking how it would hurt the ppl closest to me. but im turning 17 tomorrow. i need to grow up and get over it. but i still cant help wanting to go back..

maybe

things will get better starting from today..

i realized how important communication is today. dont keep things in; talk it out and hear the other persons response. usually youll get good feedback and see the other persons perspective. if not, well at least you tried :)

soo apush was kinda hard today :( but it was worth staying up pretty late for. i think im starting to hate writing with a passion -___- hurts my hand so much. i was a little depressed after my last period since apush was hard, but i got the best surprise visit from kevin :) i was so startled that i unconsciously closed my lock after taking literally a minute doing the combination. he brought me peach boba too! which totally brightened my day yeeee~ then went to choir sectional practice which were boringggg and then went to mi casa with kevin. i was just lying in my bed while he was working on college apps. i totally did not expect to actually knock out but.... i did. shows how pooped i am =( went to ctc and walked around. and talked. which was something i feel like we both really needed. yay :) saw chris.. and it was litto bit awks hahaha -___- ate at chipotle which was oh so gooood~ i didnt eat there for a long time gah! it was really good. came home and immediately got pounded on and screamed and yelled at by momma because she got the suspension letter.. i really thought the school wouldnt send it because it didnt come for like a month.. fuck my life to the max T___T shes really pissed at me right now. so idk how ima tell her about my plans for the weekend and thanksgiving break lol -___- anyways i made a list of goals to keep me in check and focused for this year. or at least a while:

1) stay in dress code; do not get tempted!

2) dont keep things in and tell him everything that bothers me or whatevers on my mind

3) eat less junk food.. total sacrifice :(

4) study and have good grades, like at least a 4.0 gpa

5) keep the mudder satisfied happy content whatever is opposite of mad and bitchy

6) stop spending so much money on useless things like JUNK FOOD 

7) get back on track with God..

hopefully i can keep all of these. the most important ones to me atm though are #2, 4, 5, and 7.

seriously so glad that i dont have hw tonight. i havent been procrastinating at all this whole week =) um hopefully this can last for a while.. hhaaha. peace outs :)

herrro

i havent written in this blog for a while.. so some updates :)

starting from veterans day break. whOoOo thank goodness for that hahahha. tuesday was kevins birthday kickback haha fun stuff. mm after school on tuesday went over to esthers then went back home to get ready. went back again to esthers and heffy picked us up with riya. traffic to irvine was reallly bad. went to chipotle for dinner so soo good! hehe. got to kevins.. met his friends.. drank a bit.. drank a bit more.. played bp.. drank.. sang.. LOL such a good stress reliever that night yayay. had to leave early with the girls cus of my stupid curfew at 11.. grr i cant wait to get my own car. got home and ktfo :)

wednesday.. saw kevin again. bbaebbaero day! ate so much that day.. seriously pasta with cheese drizzled all over ahhh :) watched fourth kind but moviehopped to some other weird movies LOL. then we went to eat at bcd for dinner. thenn mama came and went to brea.. got home after 10 and i had so much hw :(

thursday was school :( 

and so was friday :( i feel like i did something on friday but i forgot.. gg.

saturday went to six flags for the first time in my life! =) it was funnn. except that i had to wake up at 6 am so kevin could pick me up. after going to six flags i dont think i can go to knotts anymore.. or it would be too boring hehe. oh and i met andy the cutest sophomore ever :) little jahsheeks probably gonna be a player one day haha. got back to irvine around 8.. kevins friend chris and his friends came to eat soondooboo with us. got home around 1130.. i was soo tired. showered and got nagged by my momma about how i fail at life and studying but i gave her a kiss on the cheek and she calmed down :)

sunday went to church and talked sooo much with jen, kelly, and grace. tbh im sorta scared about how my futures gonna play out. junior years pretty tough and i need to do well this year.. boo so much stress :( went to lunch with the girls and got bullied by jason and austin and aaron like always. little hoes. hahhaha. then momma had to go to irvine so drove her up there. got home and went to brandons pacific youth symphony performance thing. it was freaken legit the place was really nice and they performed so well.. as much as i hate to admit it i really regretted quitting cello. i feel like i couldve gone so much farther and been more active if i just stayed consistent with it. 9 years gone to waste :( anyways brandon good job! you were outstanding :) and i saw ryan too! went out to dinner at curry house and ate so much seriously made me realize what a fatass i am sometimes. got dropped off back home, showered, and started hw at like 9 -___- the whole past week and weekend were so tiring.. but i loved it =) i especially cant wait for thanksgiving break next week also since its my 17th exactly on thanksgiving! kinda wanna have a kickback/party.. idk. hopefully things will work out.

well ima nap til momma gets home so we can go out to eat dinner at spoon house in gardena! my fucken fav restaurant in the world! really good food and grubbbbin :) k payce homesSsSss

wow

things are realllly stressful. and its not even coming from school. i honestly love my mom but sometimes i feel like i cant live with her. she puts an enormous amount of pressure on me that i know myself that i cant handle. its like she thinks that i have no personality, no character, that im nothing unless i have good grades and at least a 2000 SAT score. she doesnt care about my problems with God nor does she care that i wanted to say my last goodbye to one of my best friends before she leaves to college. i wish that i was naturally smart as fuck sometimes. i really do. but why is it so hard to please my mom for just one day.. i cant go a single day without fighting with her at least twice, whether its about grades or how i dress or how i talk or my friends or my boyfriend or how messy my room is or how i drive or my SAT score or how i should buy presents for my counselor (what the fuck much LOL) or how i use my phone so much (when she already took my texting away -_____-) or even how i dont walk the dogs enough. like seriously WHAT THE FUCK. im not fucken supergirl. im not a perfect daughter or student. i cant memorize ap bio formulas in five minutes or finish pre cal problems in ten. i want to enjoy my life and live every minute without regretting it. i do work hard because i want to. so far im giving my best in junior year because i dont want to mess up like last year. i want to stay committed to what i have right now because they mean so much to me. she thinks im always wrong because i have my priorities "messed up." but are they really messed up? that i want to spend more time with my friends? that i want to get to closer to God? that i want to join new clubs and get more involved at school? she thinks my entire life should be revolved around 2 things: my grades and my SAT score. which is pretty sad since those two arent gonna be that great hahaha. so im sorry to disappoint and im sorry that im a failure. im sorry that i care more about my friends and cousins than my grades and im sorry that i like to talk on the phone at night with my boyfriend instead of reading that super thick apush textbook. im sorry that i cant be what you want me to be.

aights peace

whoooo!

tonight was fucking legit :)

but starting with yesterday... had a really good day at school lively art exam was easy as pie :) ended at 1130 cus of minimum day! went to albertacos with michelle esther and riya went back to esthers place and ate and talked and literally laughed our asses off over nothing LOL. then heffy came over and we started getting ready. went to irvine spectrum and shopped it was so fucking hot ugh :( then kevin picked me up and we went to eat with his friend. went to his work and he let me take his car :) but i got fucking lost on the way to target and ended up at some weird place -_____- got back kevin got off work so he took me on a tour of irvine! such a nice city im freaken jealous. i saw northwood for the first time and honestly oxfords shit compared to it hahaha so disappointing. then he took me to the "signal hill" of irvine i think it was called suicide hill.. and we had to hike up there at fucken 9 at night when it was super dark and shit and i was wearing my sandals so my feet hurt like fuck LOL so much complaining but yeah -______- but the view was worth it i guess.. :) got home and my rents were already sleeping so i couldve stayed out longer aish! showered and ktfo.

todaayayay! someone fucking bailed on me -_____- you know who you are! my mom woke me up at 8 told me if i wanted to go out today that i had to study a shitload of korean and practice cello.. which i havent done in forever tehe. went out to eat chipotle AGH my cravings have finally been satisfied :) then went with mudder to the mall and bought a shitload of stuff hehehe i love shopping with my mom. went to the bank to make my debit card but it was closed :( got boba and went back home. to be honest im kinda getting sick of driving LOL she makes me drive fucking everywhere. anyways got home and started getting ready to go out but someone bailed out on me AGAIN fail mang. so made different plansSsSsSss.. my rents went out to their friends so i sneaked the car out ;o) i felt so brave hahaaha. picked up riya and went to irvine to surprise my boyfriend at work even though he bailed on me all day -_____- oh yeah! sorry justin for bailing heheh went to cha for tea again to eat LOL chilled and lotsa small shit happened prettty fucken funny HAAHAH. got back to cypress and went to starbucks got a drink and then to boba loca to chill drove around to waste the extra gas LOL dropped riya off home and finally got home.. and now im tired as fuckkkk but my mom just called me to tell me to stay awake so we can watch a movie -_____- so gonna go wash up and talk with my boo :) peace out mangs enjoy labor day weekend :)

detartsurf sa kcuf

im so frustrated.

i want to say that i hate my mom and dad but that wouldnt make sense, because im the one thats making the mistakes. i know that i fucked up but i dont understand how they can be so hateful. they always tell me to think before i speak or act yet theyre the ones that always say things that i can never forget.. and a few hours later they run to me and tell me theyre so sorry and shit. thats fucking bullshit. i hate trying my best because i can never meet my parents expectations. i hate being with my other successful cousins who have perfect grades, perfect manners, perfect lifestyle, perfect habits, perfect fucking everything. i hate being an only child because they depend too much on me. i want to make them happy.. and ive done a lot for them i basically gave up my social life and my will just to try to please them. but obviously thats not enough. they want me to be the kind of daughter that never goes against them, even when theyre being unreasonable as fuck and make no sense, they expect me to just nod my head and understand exactly what theyre saying. why do they think that im always wrong? that im the only one who makes the mistakes? that im the only one who fucks up? and even when i try to talk to them. my mom always tells me like literally everyday to tell her the truth and that she will do her best to understand. HAHAAHAHAHAA fucking bull. she just ends up screaming at me etc. i dont even want to bring my dad into the picture. hes disappointed me way too many times. 

so i decided that even if they nag the shit outta me and make me want to just scream back, im just gonna be patient. i want to get a 4.0 GPA. i want to go to a good college. i want to make the right choices. i want to try hard in all things that im passionate for. and all these wants that i have, ill do on my own. my parents say they support me but they just pull me back. just make me feel like i have to always depend on them. this is my own fucking life. they need to stop obsessing over it. 

damn that felt good.. LOL. just expressing. i havent talked about whats been inside in a while. feels like a whole weights been lifted off of me haha. k gonna go back to finish APUSH statements and essay :)

its fucking hot

the weathers pretty fucken shitty. karmas a bitch too.. 

i knew i would get caught sooner or later

-________-

legit

i wish everyone could be down to earth and just really laidback. not in the DTF (for you noobs "down to fuck") way but just really understanding and patient. someone whos willing to listen and just be there for you. someone who wont judge you for your mistakes and actions. someone just really very super extremely always chill. hahah but life sucksss :( 98% of the people you meet are straight-up bitches fags douches jerks assholes hoes sluts etc. the rest are okay. LOL wtf am i saying -_____- okay so what i did yesterday and today!

yesterday.. was saturday. snuck out at 230 in the morning and went to signal hill with kevin :) the view was amazing like literally breath-taking:

sorry my camera has shitty quality :( but real-life-wise there were so many lights shooo pretty! just hung out there for a while until popo came and told us to get out of there hahah. then kevin did the deed HAAHA too bad he doesnt know hes gonna be whipped pretty fucking hard.. LOL. no "just kidding." :) then we drove back to cerritos and kicked it in his car we were gonna go to the park but cops came up again fail. finally went home at 530. i ended up sleeping only 2 hrs cus of SAT in the morning ughhhh -____- i slept like the entire time at hagwon didnt learn anything aish. i was so excited to get home and ktfo but then i remembered my cousins wanted to go to the getty museum so FML TO THE MAX went back home showered got ready went out to eat lunch at this krn place drove an hour down to LA went to the getty blahblahblah got into a really big and loud fight with my mom that security guards came up to us and asked if we were okay LOL. ugh that was so disorganized i think i have like a little neatness ADD or some shit i want to go back and reorganize that into complete sentences LOL -____- then drove to spoon house in gardena for dinner. the beeeest place in da whole world niggas :) then got back to cerritos cus of mad yogurtland cravings. then drove all the way back to fullerton to drop off my auntie and cousin. finally got back home around 11.. so i basically stayed out for 13 hrs with 2 hrs worth of sleep fucckkking tired haha. but my cousin and i ended up watching a movie LOL so koed at like 2.. ugh.

todayayaay! woke up late for church fastest mofucking shower record HAHAH my cousin timed me -____- 3 min 47 sec haaahaha so gay. got ready and went to church. i think this is worst time for mbc right now. so much shits going on i cant believe it even went on the news. to the both of you stay strong and youll get through. talked with tammy after service UGH so frustrating idk what to do. thanks for that deep talk though. hope you feel better love :) went to jamba juice with my cousin white gummi ftw! haha so good. then went to cerritos mall and FINALLY GOT MY TOMS =) or technically ordered it from there hahah but im soo happy!

the ones i got are olive green though and the base isnt tan-ish but this was the closest picture i could find so yeeee! :) but now i want white canvases and the ash ones.. haha. anywaysss my cousin bought new boots she paid like 200 for them -____- got new plugs cus i lost my old ones. went back home. eddie came over and we went to blockbuster to get a movie (seventeen again LOL watched that shit like 3 times but i still love it) came back home and here i am now! and theyre waiting for me to "finish hw" hahaa. soOoOo ima bounce. laters alligators :)

oh yeah.

082209 ftw bitch.

=)

butterflies

i used to never really understand the whole "butterflies in my stomach" feeling unless i was hella nervous for a school presentation or something. but i think i kinda get it now.. aahahah :)

oookay so im officially fucked for school! yipppeee. it suckss i always tell myself when i wake up that todays the day im going to start reading "rhetoric" or finish all the essays in lively art. but i always get distracted ugh :( and with my sleeping schedule all fucked up now idk how im gonna be able to adjust back to my normal sleeping and waking time LOL. but even though i keep procrastinating summer hw im really determined to give it my all in junior year. i keep wishing that i didnt screw up sophomore year but you cant change the past.. so might as well fix what you can in the present :) plus i really want to get texting back and my own car so my life kinda depends on how hard i work in school. im just drilling into my head how if i finish all my summer hw by next thursday i can play friday and the whole weekend since my rents are gonna be goneee yaayay! i know its bad but last night before i went to sleep i was planning how im gonna jack my moms car keys so that when her and my dad leave she wont be able to find it and ill be the only one who knows where the keys are at.. aka driving wherever i want nigguhs HAAHA sho excited ;) but then again karma usually ends up biting me in the bootay so i have a feeling things might not work out -_____-

i really want to jam! like legitly. i feel like singing all the time LOL just feels good to sing sing sing. oh and i want to go shopping.. really badly.. actually you know what i need to go shopping asap homes. jopyuns prob gonna be like "ashley youre such a fucking idiot i told you so" but i really want toms.. haahaha. like seriously some of their colors are just soo freaking cute askghlkalfkal!

personally like the olive green-ish ones the best but yeaaah that shits fuuuccking sexy.. haaha. someone take me shopping! ill love you foheva :)

& ending with this. like honestly even though my life kinda does suck right now with SATs, SATIIs, studying, summer hw catch-up, volunteer, etc. im really glad the way life is right now. not close with some of my old friends but got close with a lot of new ppl so that makes up for it a lot. and he makes me really happy hhahah. the one person i love talking to any time of the day - morning, afternoon, night whenever. hes the reason im nocturnal and shit but its all good tehe. i actually feel like this ones gonna last. hope for the best yeah? :)

"feel this way" - consequence ft. john legend

so i guess things are going well?

like its weird.. when some things in my life are great, other things suddenly suck. my life can never be completely GOOD =( haaha. yesterday was fail i really wanted to go to signal hill. stupid muddders who dont go to sleep until 420 am -______- okay so i have the worst focus ever. woke up at 930 am even though i was tired as fuck so that i could finish current events and get started on summer hw. but ive been distracted like crazy its so frustrating :( and all i could think about were hot cheeto fries LOL fuckkk i wish i had my own car so i could just drive to the liquor store down the street and buy a shitload of fries yeaaahh that sounds like good shit HAAHA. im such a fatass -_____- need to start going to 24 again and get a nice body gyeah :)

i cant believe schools starting in two weeks. sho efffing shad. i barely even got to kick it with any of the ppl i made plans and promises with ugh ugh! sowy guys lets keep those plans during the school year even though its gonna be my junior year! ahahaha ima fucking get a 4.0 GPA and still play every week =) sike what the fuck am i talking about LOL. oh! rents are gonna be gone next weekend to big bear with their fwends. IM SO HAPPY HARHARS! hahah.. im so pathetic -____- alright needa finish up current events and then study.. study study study! yayaayay lifes just great.

K BYE! :)

eggplants

today was lovely =) tehe. first time i slept before 1 am this whole summer & it was pretty much the best feeling in da worlddd.. hahah. but mudder woke me up at 8 am so do the dished cus she had to go to work and the rest of my family is lazy as fuck. none of my cousins know how to do the dishes LOL wtf. but it was okay since i put up an alarm at 830 am so that i could study for 4 hours straight nawmeannn?! took a shower, youtubed, fb-ed, talked to my babyyyy.. and by the time i looked at the time it was 11 am and my test was in 2 hrs fml :( but all things are possible bitchhHH aced that shit :) so after the longest 4 hrs of my life at chungs my baby came to pick me up and was waiting out in the hall for me what a loser LOLOL jp. so we went to chipotle & guess who drove there.. tehe ;) ate, talked, drove to central, KICKED IT ahaha, then went to cerritos library. saw the cutest little girl thereeee i really wanna have a cute baby girl agh LOL. then mudder picked me up from chungs and we went to zion. we bought so much shit omg I COULD BARELY MOVE THE CART -_____- then saw alexis and all her senior beezys HAHA so random seeing you guysss.. flips & white kids at a korean supermarket. wonderful :) then i saw momma get some eggplants and seriously i was just like wtf. why would you want to eat that shit LOL. like honestly who wants to eat a vegetable (i think?) thats purple and looks like a dick. not me forsure hahah -____- then drove mudder home cus she was really tired. she koed on the 5-minute drive home ahahah cutie. got home a few minutes ago and im getting my mac taken awayyyy =( cus supposedly its gonna distract me from getting at least a 2200 on SATs. uhhhhh yeah totally.

& for tomorrow! yayayay gonna go watch orphan with kevin. i feel like i see him everyday now -_____- hahah. its been forever since i went to watch a scary movie at the theaters.. sho excited :) then after gonna go to warner springs with the fambam! which is why we bought that shitload of groceries. ugh i wish i couldve ended up staying home but then again ive been dying to get out of this area so yay! so now im a bit more excited yeeeee. most def not gonna sleep early tonight cus as much as it felt really refreshing it felt fucking weird LOL. im nocturnal aishhh =( stupid baby. lollll yeah.

UGH I WISH I HAD TEXTING BACK

T_______T

ssssssshit...

soOoOo

i like my baby =)

faults

i am really indecisive. i wish i could make good or the right choices right on the spot but i cant. i always want one thing and then another, and just end up making things worse. i used to think that i would eventually get what i want but life is.. a bitch.

im also really doubtful. i never know whats good or bad for me. im never sure of anything and most of the time i always end up regretting things because i usually end up not going for it or i overdo it. 

& i always expect too much. i want the other person to spend all of his or her effort while i can just have things simply. im selfish and i like it when other people work it out my way.

sooo my biggest faults are being indecisive, constantly doubtful, and expecting too much. aishhhh =( okay think this is kinda getting a bit depressing LOL. so anyways! you know how theres always a particular song that reminds you of a particular person every time you listen to it? yeah that shits been happening to me a lot these days LOL. i cant seem to get that song outta my headddd..

Never Fallin' - Roscoe Umali ft. One Blk Ra

Heartbreaker - MSTRKRFT ft. John Legend (just for the record tehe)

kkkk so my cousins from irvine are coming down tonight for another fambam.. sesh? LOL love them but kinda sorta slowly getting sick of them.. LOLOL. i need to chilllll with my fwendss :( the only way i interact with them is via phone, aim, and facebook. my mom wont even let people visit me (FUCKING PRISON STATUS LOL) shooo shaaaad =( but then again i actually do want to do super well in school and get super high SAT scores so i can go to the super east coast and get super rich and meet a super hot guy and get super-ly? married and have super kids and live in a super home.. hehehe. ugh i need some more spontaneity in my life. its sho boring haahaaha.. minus some weird kid (baby? LOL) thats been making me stay up all night literallly and turning me into some nocturnal shit.. tehe

oh & btw.. i like cuties :)

aghhhh

idk what im doing.. i never plan or think ahead :(

kkkk so my sleeping schedules kinda fucked up LOL. im slowly turning nocturnal. like yesterday night (or morning) i actually took the biggest risk from this entire summer buuuut it was worth it.. :) and when i got home around 530 i couldnt go to sleep so i stayed up listening to music and playing solitaire on my iPod. LOL pathetic :( &  im getting addicted to solitaire too LOLOL. i still cant believe i didnt get caught.. AMAZING-EST FEELING EVAR WSUP WSUPPP.. hehe. shooo i still have a shiiitload of summer hw to do.. or actually start. fail fail fail times a bajillion. someone come study with meeee :)

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I WANT TO GO TO SIGNAL HILL.

<33

LOL

my old blogs sound so depressing.. and i noticed i cuss a lot. sooo cutting back! :) its been forever since i wrote in here haha. so many things changed HAHA. sho sho sho.. my uncle from koreas coming today! yaayayay.. but now i cant go to anns welcome back party tonight so im sorta sad :( anyways. recently i realized how much im addicted to facebook. LOL i have no life T_____T i honestly dont know how i survived this summer being on lockdown.. like the whole time? ive gone out like MAXIMUM 6 TIMES. & its harder to see my best friends cus of my mudder too :( :( :( aish!

kkkkk so went out last night to go eat and get a movie with my cousin yesterday. & my mom let me take the car out cus she thinks if im with someone 21 years or older im legally able to drive.. tehe ;) nnnnyways. saw the cutest guy at blockbuster yesterday night LOL. but you know what! idc about guys right now. bcus my mind is only filled with SATs, SAT IIs, volunteer, volleyball, summer homework, and focus.. which i totally have. or getting there :) oh and i need to cut back on eating junk food. like NO LIE my arms and cheeks.. good lord HAAHA =______= uumm so i need to settle a couple issues before summer ends.. damn. confrontations hard. ANYWAYS!

1) ugh.. so frustrating. lolol

2) i miss you bitch!! :( all the times we went out to chipotle and jamba juice during volleyball practices and games.. & we barely kicked it AT ALL this summer. and we were always together LOL. it sucks cus we have so many opportunities to chill but SHIT HAPPENED so i can never go out aishhhh.. but dont worry im fixing things so that we gonna play before summer ends! :) i also give you props for bitching at my mudder AAHAHAH. welllll other than that ive been kinda worrying about you for a while. youre a smart girl and you know your boundaries.. but honestly you never know what can happen so be careful. lav you homegurl :)

3) we talked yesterday so im soo glad we were able to update each other. but we always seem so busy for each other and our SAT times never match so we barely see each other :( but dont worry bbygirl! cus like i told you yesterday.. PAHTEE OBA HEEUH HAAHAHAH

4) =_______= idk what to do with you LOL. i have so much to think about.

5) asldhsaifhawflwih youre really getting on my nerves. stop saying shit that you dont even know about. & nobody even believes it so why do you try so hard. damn getting me all irritated -_____-

6) thanks for being there for me girls.. you guys are like my sisters. it just sucks a lot since you guys are going to college so that we wont be in youth together. but especially with what happened recently i know you guys have been worried. but i always looked up to you two and knowing you guys will always have my back comforts me. laav you girls :)

7) youre a straight up dick.. wad. LOL. i miss talking to you.. our old "twin" convos haaahah. lets kick it soon before you turn into too much of a fag. :)

8) best singer evah!! yeeeee wsup :) im glad we started talking more this summer. when you actually sang for me on that video i was like OMG OMG ahahaha. we need to hang out at least once before summer ends :( but then again youre too popular and filled with ASB shit so yeah. LOL jk thanks for all that serenading it always makes my day better!

9) brad & megan.. you know who you are now HAHA. sooo im glad we started talking this summer. super random at first but hey! its always fun talking to the cockiest guy ever LOLOL. just suckkss we live sho far away :( but one day we'll kick it! um so truly weirdest, cockiest, most messed up cutie ever? :) oh & get a new picture!! haahaha

10) ooookk actually i think youre the weirdest KID ive ever met. hahaaha but youre pretty chill to talk to :) and also a very awkward & funny person. no lie. LOL. you still owe me a video little sheki.. haha hopefully we'll get to know each other more :) and have less of those silences that you always try to fill up by saying "um" or something ROFL. ill surprise you at work someday.. soon. hahaaha

11) SOULMATE?! HAAHAH.. only one person knows what this means. maybe one day.. keke

12) i heard about what happened. ppppplease.. stay in control.

OKAY TIME TO STUDY. have a great day erbody =)

back!

from temecula, warner springs, chino hills, and rowland heights after 4 days. and not having my parents come on the first two days made it even better tehe. sooo it was good seeing people at temecula :) especially a certain somebody! besides all the shit that happened hahah. it was really hot while me and angie stayed there.. i really need to appreciate weather down here. oh and my texting got taken away again. fuck my life all over :( its already hard enough for me to talk to him. ummm so i didnt go to the first day of vball practice today because hell-fucking-no am i gonna wake up that early.. but riya just told me we have our first tournament tomorrow and im playing for varsity wtf?! and that shes picking me up in the morning to go to los amigos wtf again?! all i want to do is stay home and watch breakfast at tiffanys with my extra cheddar goldfish crackers and vanilla ice cream :( im such a fatass these days. my arms and cheeks are fucking hideous. thank god for volleyball practices and gym membership LOL. omg and clare came all the way from beverly hills to cypress today! so i hope i can go out today.. fucking asian mommas. whatever ima enjoy my summer no matter whaaaat. k bye! :)

ew!

mr. cullinane is a perv.. ew! :(

so today was the last day of finals! and i wouldve been super happy if jensen didnt catch me sitting down during zero and she took off so many points so i have a fucking B+ in pe now. who the fuck has a B in pe?! fuck my life :( but tmrws gonna be so chill haha. no updates on my life other than hating on my mom but thats normal. alrighty peace outs :)

boys

are fucking weird. honestly i think theyre moodier and more emotional and sensitive than girls sometimes.. ahaha. schools almost over! just 2 more stressful days of finals and then its finally fucking summer! but my summers gonna be filled with volleyball practices, SAT prep, and night school :( fuck my life.

6/12 mall with the girls

6/13 gdaddys 80th birthday dinner

6/15 tammys graduation

6/16 last day of school! show choir grad performance

6/19 kiwins @ uci

6/26-27 edc

Its really funny

to see how fucked up life is. today was probably the second to worst day of my life. i was freaked out about the business presentation with heffy because someone took my binder with all our information and notes... and then me and riya got caught in the locker room during class so we got sent to vice principals and ended up getting:

1) detention for dress code (ahahah its our second one too =___=)

2) truancy

3) saturday school

4) phone call home

5) cant go out during homeroom ever again; wtf?!

and allen also asked me to prom today... and it was super cute. but my mom was mega-bitching on the phone after school and was like "you cant go to prom! you cant meet allen!" buuuut fuck that ;) and i realized that even though my mom said she would try to understand me more and try to build a better relationship between us; that is all 100% fucking bullshit. so basically life is pretty fucked up! i can only depend on my friends and allen. oh! and my mac. my mom might take my phone away so im super depressed )= but she needs to know that she cant control me and the decisions i make. stupid bitch... -_-