i want to say that i hate my mom and dad but that wouldnt make sense, because im the one thats making the mistakes. i know that i fucked up but i dont understand how they can be so hateful. they always tell me to think before i speak or act yet theyre the ones that always say things that i can never forget.. and a few hours later they run to me and tell me theyre so sorry and shit. thats fucking bullshit. i hate trying my best because i can never meet my parents expectations. i hate being with my other successful cousins who have perfect grades, perfect manners, perfect lifestyle, perfect habits, perfect fucking everything. i hate being an only child because they depend too much on me. i want to make them happy.. and ive done a lot for them i basically gave up my social life and my will just to try to please them. but obviously thats not enough. they want me to be the kind of daughter that never goes against them, even when theyre being unreasonable as fuck and make no sense, they expect me to just nod my head and understand exactly what theyre saying. why do they think that im always wrong? that im the only one who makes the mistakes? that im the only one who fucks up? and even when i try to talk to them. my mom always tells me like literally everyday to tell her the truth and that she will do her best to understand. HAHAAHAHAHAA fucking bull. she just ends up screaming at me etc. i dont even want to bring my dad into the picture. hes disappointed me way too many times.
so i decided that even if they nag the shit outta me and make me want to just scream back, im just gonna be patient. i want to get a 4.0 GPA. i want to go to a good college. i want to make the right choices. i want to try hard in all things that im passionate for. and all these wants that i have, ill do on my own. my parents say they support me but they just pull me back. just make me feel like i have to always depend on them. this is my own fucking life. they need to stop obsessing over it.
damn that felt good.. LOL. just expressing. i havent talked about whats been inside in a while. feels like a whole weights been lifted off of me haha. k gonna go back to finish APUSH statements and essay :)
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