aights peace
Monday, September 7, 2009
wow
things are realllly stressful. and its not even coming from school. i honestly love my mom but sometimes i feel like i cant live with her. she puts an enormous amount of pressure on me that i know myself that i cant handle. its like she thinks that i have no personality, no character, that im nothing unless i have good grades and at least a 2000 SAT score. she doesnt care about my problems with God nor does she care that i wanted to say my last goodbye to one of my best friends before she leaves to college. i wish that i was naturally smart as fuck sometimes. i really do. but why is it so hard to please my mom for just one day.. i cant go a single day without fighting with her at least twice, whether its about grades or how i dress or how i talk or my friends or my boyfriend or how messy my room is or how i drive or my SAT score or how i should buy presents for my counselor (what the fuck much LOL) or how i use my phone so much (when she already took my texting away -_____-) or even how i dont walk the dogs enough. like seriously WHAT THE FUCK. im not fucken supergirl. im not a perfect daughter or student. i cant memorize ap bio formulas in five minutes or finish pre cal problems in ten. i want to enjoy my life and live every minute without regretting it. i do work hard because i want to. so far im giving my best in junior year because i dont want to mess up like last year. i want to stay committed to what i have right now because they mean so much to me. she thinks im always wrong because i have my priorities "messed up." but are they really messed up? that i want to spend more time with my friends? that i want to get to closer to God? that i want to join new clubs and get more involved at school? she thinks my entire life should be revolved around 2 things: my grades and my SAT score. which is pretty sad since those two arent gonna be that great hahaha. so im sorry to disappoint and im sorry that im a failure. im sorry that i care more about my friends and cousins than my grades and im sorry that i like to talk on the phone at night with my boyfriend instead of reading that super thick apush textbook. im sorry that i cant be what you want me to be.
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1 comment:
Well, you can think of it this way:
Your mum just wants what's best for you, but once you're outta that house, you're out. I guess you'll be dorming it in some college, but once you've got a stable job, you can live with your boyfriend and run your own life. Get done with work, live up some night life. Go have terrifying life experiences, like dinendashing or getting wasted on the street. You can meet up with your friends when you want and fuck whenever your lusty side calls. (Preggie pills are around 40 bucks a bottle). AND your mum doesn't need to know. What she doesn't know won't hurt her. ;]
Sorry if this random comment was a bit sudden and you're having chills run down your esophagus. :X
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