spring break

in one word = amazing! i love waking up at 8 or 9 and realizing that i can sleep in whenever i want without worrying about school or anything; honestly the best feeling in the world. i got sunburned at the beach yesterday... ugh and its only my right shoulder too. but at least it was super fun! bonfire was sorta a bust so just hung out with angie, abe, and db heads :) im still so sore and even though i slept for 11 hours, im still tired. im FINALLY studying for ACT test today. i feel so stressed since the test is this saturday. and theres so much AP Bio, AP Lang, and APUSH hw... why do teachers make students have to do all these things over break?! its called spring break for a reason asldkjsaflsakh. im going to break my procrastination habits because its THAT bad. oh and i need to turn in my application for OC Register internship too, plus study for sat2s and ap tests.

its weird though, i want to say i hate junior year because of all this stress and pressure from school and my parents, but i think this year has been the best and most fun year so far. well actually i lie: summer of sophomore year was the best. but even with everything going on with school, SATs, and testing, ive met so many new people this year and experienced so much more within this year than ive ever experienced in my whole life. ive met and made new friends, and ive also realized who my true friends are and which people hold my respect. as corny and lame and w/e it may sound, ive experienced love, heartbreak, letting go, healing, happiness, sorrow, hurt, pain, anger, frustration, emptiness, excitement, and anxiety; each and every one of them at its highest degree. i finally got my drivers license (woot woot!), and my parents are currently searching around dealerships to buy a car for me. despite the rockiness and past and even current issues with my parents, im so grateful to them for dedicating their time and money to purchasing me a car which i believe i do not deserve... well maybe just a little ;) i finally took my SATs and got a score that surprised and made me proud of myself (even though im still taking it again LOL). i met a guy who taught me the full meaning of having a relationship; a guy who loved me, hurt me, pissed me off, took care of me; a guy who i thought would be there for me no matter what but ended giving up when i became unsure if a relationship with him was what i wanted anymore. i actually know how to bake decent brownies and cupcakes without messing up the whole kitchen, and im caring more about what a future wife should be capable of HAHA. im taking initiative at school, constantly meeting with my counselor and getting more active in clubs and activities i didnt really care about before. in so many ways i see myself growing up. of course, i still make mistakes and do things i might regret, but after getting hurt and feeling broken for what felt like the longest time, i think i became a little stronger. im still vulnerable to pain, and i know i cant avoid past memories and the sharp sting each one brings, but i know that eventually ill get through, and one day ill be able to look back and see that those past memories were only parts of a past life. i have a bad habit of reminiscing on bitter or sad memories, but im trying really hard to change those habits to think back on the good times. ill meet a super cute, loving, devoted, kind husband, and ill have a job that i love and will work my ass off for.

it might be hard now but itll all be okay in the end :)

"One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching."