1:37 AM

just finished apbio hw. i have that mgrp essay bothering me in the back of my head, but fuck it -__- signed off aim, signed off fb, but felt like letting some stuff out before going to sleeeep~

i wonder when ill completely move on. its weird, very very very weird. i know i dont care, i dont want it, i dont linger on it. yet seeing that made me feel in the slightest way crushed. i felt this way more out of disappointment rather than sadness. the only thought in my head was, did you forget how close we were? did you forget the promises we made to each other? and thats when i realized that sometimes, the one person you trusted with your whole self, the one person you would never doubt to break a promise, the one person that you believed would never hurt you--that one person is still capable of breaking all of that. and seeing this at 1 in the morning just made me feel like shit. yet at the moment, i talked it out with some friends on aim. and as even dumb as this may sound, verbally venting online helped soo much. i realized the ppl who care for me, the friends who i may not have known for the longest time, yet friends who were more than willing to listen to me and talk to me.

yohanxyang: so what?
yohanxyang: i care for you
yohanxyang: :)

seriouslllyyy what are best friends for =) idk if you guys will see this, but thanks benny and steven. best ppl to talk to at 130 am LOL. sigh sucks being sick.. fuck i hate coughing and sneezing and being unable to breathe and talk normally -__- this weeks cst testing tho so hopefully itll be chillll. mmm im sorta interested in someone. but its a very unrisky, slight interest which will not get my hopes up or nnnythang =) just see how it goess. im so happy that i have my car tho. honestly my self esteem boosted like 100 points cus of it HAHA. now i can go out and eat whatever im craving at whatever time of the day. im such a fatass but sooo whaaat heh. i am going to try to decrease on going out for 2 weeks for aps and sats and increase on the studying time that i actually need to do. fuuuuck summers so tempting.. but itll be here faster than i know it. and pretty soon, senior year; before i know it, college. as much as im super excited, idk if im completely ready for it. only time will tell =) i have finally ended my vent at 1:51 AM. good nightt!