just finished apbio hw. i have that mgrp essay bothering me in the back of my head, but fuck it -__- signed off aim, signed off fb, but felt like letting some stuff out before going to sleeeep~
i wonder when ill completely move on. its weird, very very very weird. i know i dont care, i dont want it, i dont linger on it. yet seeing that made me feel in the slightest way crushed. i felt this way more out of disappointment rather than sadness. the only thought in my head was, did you forget how close we were? did you forget the promises we made to each other? and thats when i realized that sometimes, the one person you trusted with your whole self, the one person you would never doubt to break a promise, the one person that you believed would never hurt you--that one person is still capable of breaking all of that. and seeing this at 1 in the morning just made me feel like shit. yet at the moment, i talked it out with some friends on aim. and as even dumb as this may sound, verbally venting online helped soo much. i realized the ppl who care for me, the friends who i may not have known for the longest time, yet friends who were more than willing to listen to me and talk to me.
yohanxyang: so what?
yohanxyang: i care for you
yohanxyang: :)
seriouslllyyy what are best friends for =) idk if you guys will see this, but thanks benny and steven. best ppl to talk to at 130 am LOL. sigh sucks being sick.. fuck i hate coughing and sneezing and being unable to breathe and talk normally -__- this weeks cst testing tho so hopefully itll be chillll. mmm im sorta interested in someone. but its a very unrisky, slight interest which will not get my hopes up or nnnythang =) just see how it goess. im so happy that i have my car tho. honestly my self esteem boosted like 100 points cus of it HAHA. now i can go out and eat whatever im craving at whatever time of the day. im such a fatass but sooo whaaat heh. i am going to try to decrease on going out for 2 weeks for aps and sats and increase on the studying time that i actually need to do. fuuuuck summers so tempting.. but itll be here faster than i know it. and pretty soon, senior year; before i know it, college. as much as im super excited, idk if im completely ready for it. only time will tell =) i have finally ended my vent at 1:51 AM. good nightt!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
THANK YOU
sooo so so sososo osososoo FREAKEN much i love you u u yo u so sosos so much. best way to end this week and start this weekend everything was hella CRACKINN and im still super excited and giddy about what happened heh. i was sorta anger cus of the shit yesterday night but itsalll good i guess. i just have a very bad impression of you but i dgaf nymore :)
happppyy birthday esther hunnnay ! i still have to give you the card i wrote LOL but i hope you had fun yesterday~ laava you girl best fraaand sister tomato lovaah =)
so basically im going through an extreme case of ups and downs in my liiiife haha. went down cus of school, went up cus of thursday :o), went down cus i got super sick from yesterday LOL, went up cus i have the car and ALMOST the house for 2 weeks (which i found out today muahahha), went down cus my cold is killing me. sighhh i want school to be over.. im so tired from stressing over sat2s, aps, my grades. i wish i could fast forward to summer. i hate how bad things are blended with the good stuff, i just want the good things ONLY :(
umm and i also realized how shady guys can be. this is a shoutout to some of my friends and guys i know that have been pissing me off lately =)
guy #1) youre not the shit okay? real talk you think partyings your life haha. im not interested in hearing your latest escapade and i am most definitely not interested in partying with you and "seeing what happens" -___- treat your friends like your friends, not some dumpshit you asshoe.
guy #2) you have some really big issues LOL. i know all guys have their hormonal sides but you need to keep yours in check. youre gross, period.
guy #3) youre like a girl... you make such a big deal out of everything. honestly, man up and take your shit PLEASE. it wears me out listening to you talk onnnn and onn about your problems that you could fix if you just adjusted your attitude and actions. dont think that youre the only one with shit in your life; everyone else has personal stuff.
friend #1) ive been getting close with you for a while now. we were really awkward last year but for some reason that changed this year. youre someone i can talk to without feeling judged or without having to worry that youll blab what i say to someone else. you taught me how to do pull ups at 24 HAHA and our thai food run and the shit that followed after.. good times =) you consider me one of "your girls" LOL ill never stop making fun of you for that. thanks for being a really good friend and listener, you tha best heh.
friend #2) youre my best friend and lovaaaa. heh not gonnna liee i think our friendships one of the very few thatll last past high school, college, etc. i can talk to you about anything and you always understand how i feel. i love you like no other homegirl :)
friend #3) i also got close with you this year. i talk with you every single night.. or almost hahah. we always talk on aim til like 2 in the morning doing hw or just talking HAHA worst procrastinators :o) i appreciate you listening to me all the time. youre thoughtful and thats actually rare. you always did things for me when i was mia and reminded me things you knew i would forget LOL thaaanks. we can finally go eat dbs now that i have my car, and we can FINALLY go on those late night starbucks runs without worrying about rides or walking =)
okaayy my throat, head, nose, my whole fucking body is killing me so i shall sleep now :) gooood night!
happppyy birthday esther hunnnay ! i still have to give you the card i wrote LOL but i hope you had fun yesterday~ laava you girl best fraaand sister tomato lovaah =)
so basically im going through an extreme case of ups and downs in my liiiife haha. went down cus of school, went up cus of thursday :o), went down cus i got super sick from yesterday LOL, went up cus i have the car and ALMOST the house for 2 weeks (which i found out today muahahha), went down cus my cold is killing me. sighhh i want school to be over.. im so tired from stressing over sat2s, aps, my grades. i wish i could fast forward to summer. i hate how bad things are blended with the good stuff, i just want the good things ONLY :(
umm and i also realized how shady guys can be. this is a shoutout to some of my friends and guys i know that have been pissing me off lately =)
guy #1) youre not the shit okay? real talk you think partyings your life haha. im not interested in hearing your latest escapade and i am most definitely not interested in partying with you and "seeing what happens" -___- treat your friends like your friends, not some dumpshit you asshoe.
guy #2) you have some really big issues LOL. i know all guys have their hormonal sides but you need to keep yours in check. youre gross, period.
guy #3) youre like a girl... you make such a big deal out of everything. honestly, man up and take your shit PLEASE. it wears me out listening to you talk onnnn and onn about your problems that you could fix if you just adjusted your attitude and actions. dont think that youre the only one with shit in your life; everyone else has personal stuff.
friend #1) ive been getting close with you for a while now. we were really awkward last year but for some reason that changed this year. youre someone i can talk to without feeling judged or without having to worry that youll blab what i say to someone else. you taught me how to do pull ups at 24 HAHA and our thai food run and the shit that followed after.. good times =) you consider me one of "your girls" LOL ill never stop making fun of you for that. thanks for being a really good friend and listener, you tha best heh.
friend #2) youre my best friend and lovaaaa. heh not gonnna liee i think our friendships one of the very few thatll last past high school, college, etc. i can talk to you about anything and you always understand how i feel. i love you like no other homegirl :)
friend #3) i also got close with you this year. i talk with you every single night.. or almost hahah. we always talk on aim til like 2 in the morning doing hw or just talking HAHA worst procrastinators :o) i appreciate you listening to me all the time. youre thoughtful and thats actually rare. you always did things for me when i was mia and reminded me things you knew i would forget LOL thaaanks. we can finally go eat dbs now that i have my car, and we can FINALLY go on those late night starbucks runs without worrying about rides or walking =)
okaayy my throat, head, nose, my whole fucking body is killing me so i shall sleep now :) gooood night!
Monday, April 12, 2010
spring break over :(
before i go to sleep.. im soo sad spring breaks already over ommmmg :( feels like it went by like that. i still have english research notes and 2 multigenre pieces to do but fuuuck that ima sleep heh. so much has happened within this week. i wish i could rewind it all back to enjoy it all over again. im so jealous of fullerton and pacifica ppl who have break now. asshhoes :(
hmmMMmMm i love my best friends. i love and hate my parents. and you.. say things that make me believe you, and then you give up all over again or something. you dont try at all and that sorta disappoints me. whatever, i learned that one person, or even people in general, shouldnt be the ones making you happy. i realized that the reason why its hard for me to move on or get over things sometimes is because ive come to depend on someone or something so much. its like i truly believed that he, she, or it was capable of making me completely, honestly, totally happy. but i learned thats bullshit. no one can make you happy or satisfied or content or whatever good word except yourself. i even have like a new motto? or whatever LOL. im just going to enjoy myself and do what i want, do things that i believe will get me where i want to be.
ima do it my way =)
hmmMMmMm i love my best friends. i love and hate my parents. and you.. say things that make me believe you, and then you give up all over again or something. you dont try at all and that sorta disappoints me. whatever, i learned that one person, or even people in general, shouldnt be the ones making you happy. i realized that the reason why its hard for me to move on or get over things sometimes is because ive come to depend on someone or something so much. its like i truly believed that he, she, or it was capable of making me completely, honestly, totally happy. but i learned thats bullshit. no one can make you happy or satisfied or content or whatever good word except yourself. i even have like a new motto? or whatever LOL. im just going to enjoy myself and do what i want, do things that i believe will get me where i want to be.
ima do it my way =)
Thursday, April 8, 2010
spring break
in one word = amazing! i love waking up at 8 or 9 and realizing that i can sleep in whenever i want without worrying about school or anything; honestly the best feeling in the world. i got sunburned at the beach yesterday... ugh and its only my right shoulder too. but at least it was super fun! bonfire was sorta a bust so just hung out with angie, abe, and db heads :) im still so sore and even though i slept for 11 hours, im still tired. im FINALLY studying for ACT test today. i feel so stressed since the test is this saturday. and theres so much AP Bio, AP Lang, and APUSH hw... why do teachers make students have to do all these things over break?! its called spring break for a reason asldkjsaflsakh. im going to break my procrastination habits because its THAT bad. oh and i need to turn in my application for OC Register internship too, plus study for sat2s and ap tests.
its weird though, i want to say i hate junior year because of all this stress and pressure from school and my parents, but i think this year has been the best and most fun year so far. well actually i lie: summer of sophomore year was the best. but even with everything going on with school, SATs, and testing, ive met so many new people this year and experienced so much more within this year than ive ever experienced in my whole life. ive met and made new friends, and ive also realized who my true friends are and which people hold my respect. as corny and lame and w/e it may sound, ive experienced love, heartbreak, letting go, healing, happiness, sorrow, hurt, pain, anger, frustration, emptiness, excitement, and anxiety; each and every one of them at its highest degree. i finally got my drivers license (woot woot!), and my parents are currently searching around dealerships to buy a car for me. despite the rockiness and past and even current issues with my parents, im so grateful to them for dedicating their time and money to purchasing me a car which i believe i do not deserve... well maybe just a little ;) i finally took my SATs and got a score that surprised and made me proud of myself (even though im still taking it again LOL). i met a guy who taught me the full meaning of having a relationship; a guy who loved me, hurt me, pissed me off, took care of me; a guy who i thought would be there for me no matter what but ended giving up when i became unsure if a relationship with him was what i wanted anymore. i actually know how to bake decent brownies and cupcakes without messing up the whole kitchen, and im caring more about what a future wife should be capable of HAHA. im taking initiative at school, constantly meeting with my counselor and getting more active in clubs and activities i didnt really care about before. in so many ways i see myself growing up. of course, i still make mistakes and do things i might regret, but after getting hurt and feeling broken for what felt like the longest time, i think i became a little stronger. im still vulnerable to pain, and i know i cant avoid past memories and the sharp sting each one brings, but i know that eventually ill get through, and one day ill be able to look back and see that those past memories were only parts of a past life. i have a bad habit of reminiscing on bitter or sad memories, but im trying really hard to change those habits to think back on the good times. ill meet a super cute, loving, devoted, kind husband, and ill have a job that i love and will work my ass off for.
it might be hard now but itll all be okay in the end :)
"One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching."
its weird though, i want to say i hate junior year because of all this stress and pressure from school and my parents, but i think this year has been the best and most fun year so far. well actually i lie: summer of sophomore year was the best. but even with everything going on with school, SATs, and testing, ive met so many new people this year and experienced so much more within this year than ive ever experienced in my whole life. ive met and made new friends, and ive also realized who my true friends are and which people hold my respect. as corny and lame and w/e it may sound, ive experienced love, heartbreak, letting go, healing, happiness, sorrow, hurt, pain, anger, frustration, emptiness, excitement, and anxiety; each and every one of them at its highest degree. i finally got my drivers license (woot woot!), and my parents are currently searching around dealerships to buy a car for me. despite the rockiness and past and even current issues with my parents, im so grateful to them for dedicating their time and money to purchasing me a car which i believe i do not deserve... well maybe just a little ;) i finally took my SATs and got a score that surprised and made me proud of myself (even though im still taking it again LOL). i met a guy who taught me the full meaning of having a relationship; a guy who loved me, hurt me, pissed me off, took care of me; a guy who i thought would be there for me no matter what but ended giving up when i became unsure if a relationship with him was what i wanted anymore. i actually know how to bake decent brownies and cupcakes without messing up the whole kitchen, and im caring more about what a future wife should be capable of HAHA. im taking initiative at school, constantly meeting with my counselor and getting more active in clubs and activities i didnt really care about before. in so many ways i see myself growing up. of course, i still make mistakes and do things i might regret, but after getting hurt and feeling broken for what felt like the longest time, i think i became a little stronger. im still vulnerable to pain, and i know i cant avoid past memories and the sharp sting each one brings, but i know that eventually ill get through, and one day ill be able to look back and see that those past memories were only parts of a past life. i have a bad habit of reminiscing on bitter or sad memories, but im trying really hard to change those habits to think back on the good times. ill meet a super cute, loving, devoted, kind husband, and ill have a job that i love and will work my ass off for.
it might be hard now but itll all be okay in the end :)
"One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching."
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