hmm

its been a while since i wrote here!
and so much has happened. i have never fucked up like this before and it still surprises me that i did those things. but you cant change whats in the past so i guess i dont really have a choice other than moving on.. but im a dumbass. i fucked up yet you took me back. you forgave me and it was a second chance, a way to prove that we could still be together and to show that i cared for you. but i messed up again. even if you ask me why, i wouldnt have an answer. not because im stubborn or because im a bitch but because i really dont know. im insecure and rash, i make decisions without thinking about the consequences, and i never know what i have until its gone. but whats done is done and as much as i hate myself right now, theres nothing to do than accept what happened and move on.

on a happier topic.. sadies is coming up! =) but thats like SATs time and all that shit going on so i really dont know if it would be a good idea going. i know who i would ask but its sorta dumb planning shit out if i shouldnt even be going in the first place LOL. mm over the past few weeks ive met and made new friends so thats good hehe. and each weekend is filled with gooood shit so thats keeping me happy and busy. i seriously hate school right now because my grades suck and classes are soo dang hard =( i wish life was easier haha. but everyone wishes that ughh. im on good terms with my mom now so im probably getting texting back sooon! and my car ommgg please let me get a 4.0 GPA this semester please please please. i know shes going to get me my car by summer anyways but it would seriously be the best if i could get it a little after i get my license.. i reallllly hope things work out. anyways a few shout outs before i go to beddd:

1) aye qt you make my day :) im not taking you seriously though til i know whats up with myself

2) thank you for being there for me and always asking how i am. its like you have another conscience where you know somethings wrong and you just look out for me. youre like my sister and i cant live without you.. thanks tl

3) im surprised we're friends now hahah especially with what happened before.. loll but youre really chill and i have a feeling we're gonna get closer because of you know who and what :)

4) idk mangg its like one day youre there for me and the next day youre not. i know youre busy with other things in your life and your guy, but i doubt you would choose your friends over him now. i guess thats not wrong but it feels a lot different since we dont talk as much before. oh welll maybe this is only temporary :)

5) the last one. you can hate me, you can ignore me for the rest of your life because i know it hurts. i know sorry never fixes things but im so sorry.. i want you in my life but not together. maybe when i grow up and mature youll be willing to see me differently but for now i know its going to be a huge struggle for both of us. i still care for you and love you, dont forget. youll always be someone important to me.. and i hope you still feel that way about me too

good night worldddd :)