bored =)

A - AVAILABLE: heh
B - BIRTHDAY: 11/26/92
C - CRUSHING ON: hahha
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: coke
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: best frandss
F - FAVORITE SONG: toOO many i have like 100 songs on my itune favs LOL
G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: bears
H - HOMETOWN: la
I - IN LOVE WITH: you :)
J - JUGGLE: i learned that shit in 8th grade pe
K - KILLED SOMEONE: in video games
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: san fran.. fucken 8 hrs T___T
M - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: chocolate
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: nada
O - ONE WISH: happpiness
P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: celina
Q - QUIZNO’S SUB: i hate quiznos and subway
R - REASON TO SMILE: theres always a reason to smile =)
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: currently listening to unstoppable by ryan bandong
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 8.. celina called to wake me up for practice -__-
U - UNDERWEAR COLOR: pink
V - VEGETABLE(S): cucumbers
W - WORST HABIT: procrastinating
X - X-RAYS YOU’VE HAD: teeth
Y - YOYO’s ARE: okay
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: sagittarius

WHO:
Do you currently miss: maaayyyybee somebody.. maybe
Did you last text: jason choi
Last texted you: ^same
Are you going to see tonight: heather bbby :) kb woOOt
Is your favorite artist: too many
Is your favorite actor/actress: audrey hepburn whaat a hottie

THE DO’S:

Love at first sight?: umm no
Do you believe in Santa?: duh
Do you know how to swim?: duh
Do you like roller coasters?: yes!
Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows?: lol no

THE HAVES:

Have you ever been on a plane?: yes
Have you ever asked someone out?: no
Have you ever been asked out by someone?: yes
Have you ever been to the ocean?: yes
Have you ever painted your nails?: yes

THE WHATS:

What is the temperature outside?: no idear, its sunny tho
What was the last restaurant you ate at?: wingstop yuumm
What was the last thing you bought?: wingstop
What was the last thing on TV you watched?: some korean shit haha

CRYING SECTION:

Ever really cried your heart out?: yes
Ever cried yourself to sleep?: yes
Ever cried on your friend’s shoulder?: yes
Ever cried over the opposite sex?: yes
Do you cry when you get an injury?: yes
Do certain songs make you cry?: no
When was the last time you cried?: a while back idr :)

HAPPY SECTION:

Are you a happy person?: suure
Do you wish you were happier?: sometimes
Can music make you happy?: LOL in some ways

LOVE SECTION:

How many times have you truly had your heart broken?: once.. but idk if it was heartbreak
Have you ever loved someone so much that you’d die for them?: family and bffs

BODY SECTION:

What is your current hair color?: black
# of piercings?: 4
Have any tattoos?: nope
Eye color?: dark brown

CURRENTLY WEARING:

What shirt are you wearing?: white vneck
Pants: pjs
Shoes: naada
Necklaces?: nada!

IN A BOY/GIRL:

Favorite eye color: wudeva looks goood =)
Short or long hair: short
Height: reallly tall.. like at least 5'11 heh
Best clothing: umm jus nice style
Which one of your friends could you see yourself marrying? none HAHA

THIS OR THAT

Pepsi or Coke: coke
McDonald’s or Burger King: mcds
Single or Group Dates: bothh but preferably single :)
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
Strawberries or Blueberries: strawberries
Meat or Veggies: meat
TV or Movie: movies
Guitar or Drum? guitar
Adidas or Nike: nike
Chinese or Mexican: ohh both
Cheerios or Corn Flakes: cheerios
Cake or Pie: both heh

maybe?

"Her World Goes On"
- Bruno Mars ft. David Guetta

this song is veryy catchy haha. so i am currently working on my definition essay.. finally! its due tmrw and it was assigned like 2 weeks ago lolol T___T. i keep going on fb and youtube tho, watching run devil run and follow me HAHA fucken kpop these dayss. im so distracteddd fuck and quarter ends next week AGH im so stressed. but spring break is also end of next week wooot and mommaays goin to korea again! or at least i hope she does, cus she keeps threatening me that she wont if i keep messing up, but im not even doing anything bad.. -___- rents went to la right now to check out my future car. im sad no more genesis, why did i have to fuck up :( but right now theyre thinking about the lexus is250 and thas preetttty good considering i dont even deserve a car right now HEHE :) nnnyways have somethann to vent about.

idk what im feeling. i really dont kno if im doing better or doing worse. theres good things and bad things, but i feel down only at random times and i have no idea what thats means.. im buusy with school and other things, but im beginning to wonder how i would really feel if i wasnt as busy, if i didnt have those things going on. i guess it all depends on time. i realized how powerful time can be. it can change so many things so drastically, but it can also keep things exactly the way they were for a loong time. and on top of this, im like super stressed from school and grades :( and umm i think i should start going to practice again. and the gym. cant wait til i get my car, and especiallly cant wait for next monday cus thats when i can start taking mamis car! and then spring break is 2 weeks away. so many plans to make, so many exciting things to do ;)

the heart

vs. the mind:
which one are you supposed to follow...

wootwoot

the night time is my prime. sounds sorta creepy LOL but its so true.. i cant sleep at alll unless i just lie in my bed for an hour or two. and its really weird, i wake up very easily in the morning. i even wake up at 6 to shower in the mornings when i used to wake up at 715 O___o. im like nocturnal or somethinnnn qq. well anyways! tmrw is going to be funn woootwoott. after school going to sunny hills with julie to put up bandaid stuff and visiting benisonn! =) then eating and going to esthers to help her with asb campaigning. thennn kickin it with austin and going naris party at night happy 18th babygirl! such a busy day tmrw and the weekend is gonna be fun. i am very excited :) i hope everything works out tho and i really really would like my insurance right now and my car as well :( but im just glad ill be able to drive myself now, no more fightin and hatin with my dadday~

soo i got close with people throughout this week! ive been talking with random ppl at school and got close with ppl i never expected to get to know. thats the beauty of being independent muaha :) and even my friends outside of school, ive gotten to know them better and establish deep connections with them yayaayay hehe. i guess i missed this feeling, doing what i want and talking with whoever i want. schools being a litto gay im failing apush and precal atm LOL but workin my way up. ive been slacking off for a while tho, especially today cus i had no hw except for the definition essay but i have no inspiration whatsoever T___T. oookaayy so jus some random shoutouts just becus i feel like it.

1) youve always had my back and i know you always will. you wont ever hurt me so dont trip. thanks for watching out for me and caring for me, this is why i look up to you :) thanks for being someone i could always go to. i treasure our friendship so much and i know youre mature enough to not let small things get in the way. im going to be really sad when you go to college cus we might not get to talk as much. but i know youll always have my back and i got yours benvomit :)

2) my best friend for life, aka sistaaa =) cant wait til those late start monday mornings when i pick you up and go to starbucks heh. youre always there to listen to me and i love our daily, randomass phone convos HAHA. love you tomato :)

3) um new bff?! haha our first impressions of each other were NOT GOOD but at least we're talkin keke. youre fun to talk to and i realized we're sorta alike hahaha. gotta hit up banana bay soon wootwooot

4) we dont talk as much :( but when we do its just like where we left off from before. stop partying and clubbing so much -___- haha youre seriously ALWAYS there for me and i cant believe we're still so close after everything we went through. saranghehyoh homegirl

5) you reallllly confuse me... i guess only time will tell

ughh i need to find a way to go to sleep easily :( maybee i think ill go read myself to sleep. or ill stay up on the computer like a no-lifer. fuuuck whats wrong with me T__T hopefully tmrw will be a good day. im pretty happy these days. hmm :) hehe good night!

hot

the weather is hot. hot hot hot hot aka summers coming soooon! wootwoot :) and this means that we can finally wear shorts and not freeze in the mornings. i dont like it when it gets too hot but im just gonna enjoy it for now~ heh. oh and I GOT MY LICENSE! thank youuu everyone that helped me lolol :) cant believe im officially FINALLY licensed.. i feel so giddy tehe. and im gonna start driving on my own in hopefully a week or two fuck yeahhhhh. except my mom tells me every single day that she doesnt trust me and doesnt know why shes even letting me drive my own car.. but too bad! life will be much muchh easier and better =) this weeks been okay, actually had fun at school. i seriously love my friends hehe cant live without em. gotta wake up early tomato to help shawn with asb, but at least im getting starbucks and donuts wooooot~ so busy this week its tiring and im barely getting any sleep but im managing :) i only got 3 hrs of sleep last night. idk how i was able to stay awake the whole day.. why cant i sleep these days :( mmm pretty excited for the weekend. friday and saturday are gonna be fuuunn~ jus gotta work my ass for the rest of this week. just ate dinner so going to the library real quick to get books, lots of hw tonightt. God, give me the strength to get through the rest of this week and keep my head up. shiiett i got this =)

just because.

“A sad thing in life is that sometimes you meet someone who means a lot to you only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and you just have to let go.”

sats

are finally over yaaaayyy :)
now i just need to worry about getting my license qq. but the things i could do with a car.. muaha. anyways yesterday was sad. i watched hachiko cus he made such a big deal out of it and when i did i couldnt stop crying LOL. and my mom got back home during the last 20 min of the movie, and she came in and watched the rest with me and she started crying sooo hard HAHAHA.

yesterday was depressing tho. after sats i thought it would be good.. but nope. its hard accepting it but i thought about so many things before i fell asleep last night. about all the shit we went through, and how many times i thought to myself "why am i letting myself be treated this?" and i think thats my motivation of getting through this. i know its gonna be tough for a while.. but i got this :) and plus that qt muahaha. this weekends gonna be hellla fun but the week T___T i need to bring my grades up asap. but after talking with a lot of my friends going off to college, i realized that times getting shorter and shorter. its so weird but i never really expected to feel that time limit. i cant believe that in less than 9 months im going to be working on college apps. and in less than 9 months im going to turn 18 and be legal for almost everything (hhehe). sooo muuuchh shit but thats life!

im not going to let this hold me down. im sorry i cant do what youre asking me. but im sure you get around so dont trip chocolate chip. oh and heres the quote of the day :)

"No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn't experience it all. There's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should've been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That's how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice. None of this matters. We're just warming up.”

=) i miss you qt.

what

a fool i was to believe that.

=)

each day is slowly getting better. still sucks cus school will always be a pain in the ass but i feel so determined now. and sats are gonna be over (at least for now) this saturday and then license on tuesdaaayy :) fucken pwn that shitt heh. its gonna kill my week if i fail tho qq so pray for me guys.
hmm i still wish i didnt fuck up in school tho.. i regret so many things. all the things i couldve accomplished if i took the initiative, put in the effort, at least tried. but as much as it sorta depresses me, i realized i cant do anything about the past. or i mean you cant change what already happened in the past. but i can change now, i can learn from and fix the mistakes i made then. thats what im setting my mind on and nothinnns gonna be in my way :)
going to varsity game tonight against western. we are gonna pwn their boooties heh. then last day of sat hagwon tonight yaaayy! but im going for math 2c now so not really yay :( thenn gotta do a shitload of studying and catching up on apush and apbio tests tmrw boooo. i have so much stuff to work on fml. and asb app is due tmrw and im still unsure T___T whatevss. no pain no gain :)
umm i need new chapstick. my kiehls mango is finally running out qq. weathers so cold and windy but sunny at the same time why is weather so moody :( mams dropping off food before i go out yay i love it when shes nice enough to buy me food lolol. my fingers are cold. so are my feet. im wearing shorts what a dumbass i am. im sorta confused. i do not want to go to hagwon. i will probably eat, sleep, then go to the game.

so............ sadies? :)

habits

this is becoming like a daily journal thing for me. i like it though cus it lets me just talk about any random shit i want and it lets me vent as well :) so i missed church today.. again -___- stupid mams put my phone on vibrate so i missed my alarm. so i slept in til 11 basically meaning i slept 11 hours. idk why but i can never get enough sleep, i just want to sleep more and more and more hahah. john came over yesterday and we basically studied precal for like 4 hrs.. im getting so sick of math T__T this week is gonna be hellll especially since SATs is this saturday. i cant believe that days here ugh i wanna cry.. sorta not really IDK. and my counselor told me to take ACT but i missed the deadline so i have to do late registration and pay fucken $65.. -___- and the only close places are like chino hills, burbank, and LA lolol wtf :( anywayyss im giving it all to God to get me through this week. and the next. and the next. and so on.

i think i have slight insomnia these days. even if im super tired, i lie in my bed for at least 30 min to an hour before i ko. its soo weirdd i hate it. i started reading again at night to help me fall asleep, and its been helping :) i miss doing what i used to do. i played cello this morning too. its been like forever since i even looked at it LOL. sorta sounds stupid, but i got a little sad that i couldnt play like before.. my fingers kept freezing up :( shows that i never appreciate what i have until its gone, SERIOUSLY.

i know my friends are there for me, yet at the same time it feels like no one can understand what im going through. its hard pretending like everythings okay and not thinking about the things that constantly bother me every single day. i became so dependent on people, i almost forgot how its like to just not be with people. my mood gets really weird, like im extremely happy and carefree and talkative one moment, and then suddenly im like depressed and alone and frustrated. whhhyyyyy :( i want things to go back to the way they were.. but thats not possible. i need to move on, i need to learn from my mistakes, and i need to put my mind and actions to it. suddenly changing my priorities list is a lot harder than i thought, getting used to it will probably take a long time. but as retarded as this sounds, everyday i began to tell myself that i can do this. and that i can get through :) just need time and effort.

study day today. waking up at 530 tmrw to go to math session monday morning :( sooo tiringg and im sooo lazyyy.. but I CAN DO THIS! =)

mornings

i was so tired when i went to sleep last night and when i woke up this morning hahah :( but yesterday was funnnn so im happy. ate dbs at chamsutgool in gg with michael jopyun heffy and riya then went to genki living which had the best crepes ever. then went to irvine spectrum and got a new jacket! fucken jo kept saying i looked fat but in the end he said it looked good hehe. bought unnecessary shit LOL glasses! but its alll good it was so cold last night i shouldve worn like a parka and sweats.. it was that cold. got home by 1030 so rents didnt get home yet :) and i wanted to sleep soo bad but someone kept me up.. fucker.
:) :) :) :)

i realllllly want to watch crazies, alice in wonderland, and shutter island. i hope i can go out today so i can watch one or two or even all of those movies gaaah. but i have so much hw to catch up on and a huge test to study for so it would probably be smarter to not go out.. but still :( mams made some yummmy food for breakfast and im taking her to genki living when she gets back heh. then finally gonna go get my camera yayaayyay! im so happy. the weathers rainy and depressing but it feels sorta nice.. i kinda like the gloominess today =) hopefully today will be productive. or fun. or satisfying. whatever just a good day. ohh and good luck esther on your cm today! mmmk i should study or start getting ready but ima just sleep or go on youtube heh. have a nice day guyssss :)

i am

so sick of this shit.

youre a qt!

"I want to fall in love with someone who treats me like a princess. Someone who knows all of my flaws and all of mistakes, and will continue to love me anyway. Someone who will be there to pick me up when I fall down, with wide open arms, and who will kiss the bruises on my knees from where I hit them when I took the fall. Someone who will always be there for me, with open ears, and an open heart, when I need someone to listen, even if it’s just to vent. Someone who will be more than patient and understanding with me, because I’m pretty fragile and I know sometimes I’m hard to handle. Someone who will watch all of my favorite movies with me, and curl up under the covers, on rainy days…or just days that I don’t feel like facing the world. Someone who will take me on cute dates every once in a while. Someone who will be affectionate with me in public and everyone will be jealous of the amount of care and love we hold towards one another. Someone who will bring out the better part of me. Someone who will inspire me in such beautiful, majestic ways. Someone who will take my heavy heart and make it light. Someone who will always manage to keep a smile on my face even when I don’t feel like smiling at all. Someone who will miss me while we’re apart, even right after we just saw each other. Most of all, someone who will love me, all of me, every day, forever and ever."

just thought this was super duper uber cute :)
anywayyysss

I HAVE TEXTING BACK! yayayayayayayyy text it betches :)

herrro =)

okay so justin told me my previous blog was sad soo ima lighten things up :)
todays weather was so fucken weird it was like suuuper cold and freezing but the sun was sorta out and then it got really warm in the afternoon.. why is weather so indecisive sometimes :( anyways happy 17th birthday hephzibah kim! me, riya, and esther took her out to guppies and it was soososooo good. i didnt eat ice shave (shaved ice?) in the longest time and it was probably the most delicious thing ive tasted in like a year LOL. thenn went back to school for guys vball game against bolsa grande which surprisingly had some qts. heffy has good noonchee lmaoo. did libero and helped choose what jerseys we're gonna wear next year in varsityy :) and theyre very cute. mm then me and riya went to walgreens seriously ptl haha then got home and put up pictures and rents got home so ate dinner. and now i am debating whether i should start my precal test review and homework that i am 2 weeks behind right now.. i know i should but im so fucken lazy gah T___T ill probably hopefully maybe get started on it and hopefully maybe ko early tonight. past few days ive been getting less than 5 hrs of sleep cus of -____- umm this week is going by realllly slow and the weekend seems so faaaar away and sadies is in 3 weeks and idk what to do and i feel so hectic and im finally start conditioning tmrw and ima be so tired but at least ill be busy! i realized i dont like the feeling of doing nothing.. or having nothing to do? SATs in 2 weeks fuckkk i really need to work my ass off like asap. 2 days after is my license test FINALLY heh :)
so i realized another thing about myself. i really like quotes LOL. they help me feel better and feel motivated. a lot of them are things that are on my mind but i cant put into words.. and quotes just do that for me. so heres some that caught my attention right now:


"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep; wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on; one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you... the one who turns to his friends and says, "That's her."


"If you love someone, let them go; if they return, they were always yours; if they dont, then they never were."


"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."


"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust noone but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."


and this one is probably my current favorite :)

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

hmm

its been a while since i wrote here!
and so much has happened. i have never fucked up like this before and it still surprises me that i did those things. but you cant change whats in the past so i guess i dont really have a choice other than moving on.. but im a dumbass. i fucked up yet you took me back. you forgave me and it was a second chance, a way to prove that we could still be together and to show that i cared for you. but i messed up again. even if you ask me why, i wouldnt have an answer. not because im stubborn or because im a bitch but because i really dont know. im insecure and rash, i make decisions without thinking about the consequences, and i never know what i have until its gone. but whats done is done and as much as i hate myself right now, theres nothing to do than accept what happened and move on.

on a happier topic.. sadies is coming up! =) but thats like SATs time and all that shit going on so i really dont know if it would be a good idea going. i know who i would ask but its sorta dumb planning shit out if i shouldnt even be going in the first place LOL. mm over the past few weeks ive met and made new friends so thats good hehe. and each weekend is filled with gooood shit so thats keeping me happy and busy. i seriously hate school right now because my grades suck and classes are soo dang hard =( i wish life was easier haha. but everyone wishes that ughh. im on good terms with my mom now so im probably getting texting back sooon! and my car ommgg please let me get a 4.0 GPA this semester please please please. i know shes going to get me my car by summer anyways but it would seriously be the best if i could get it a little after i get my license.. i reallllly hope things work out. anyways a few shout outs before i go to beddd:

1) aye qt you make my day :) im not taking you seriously though til i know whats up with myself

2) thank you for being there for me and always asking how i am. its like you have another conscience where you know somethings wrong and you just look out for me. youre like my sister and i cant live without you.. thanks tl

3) im surprised we're friends now hahah especially with what happened before.. loll but youre really chill and i have a feeling we're gonna get closer because of you know who and what :)

4) idk mangg its like one day youre there for me and the next day youre not. i know youre busy with other things in your life and your guy, but i doubt you would choose your friends over him now. i guess thats not wrong but it feels a lot different since we dont talk as much before. oh welll maybe this is only temporary :)

5) the last one. you can hate me, you can ignore me for the rest of your life because i know it hurts. i know sorry never fixes things but im so sorry.. i want you in my life but not together. maybe when i grow up and mature youll be willing to see me differently but for now i know its going to be a huge struggle for both of us. i still care for you and love you, dont forget. youll always be someone important to me.. and i hope you still feel that way about me too

good night worldddd :)