17

is what i will be tomorrow :)

the girls gave me the best surprise yesterday.. kidnapped me in the morning and forced me to wear a blindfold and that burger king hat freaken everywhere. we went to cheesecake factory at irvine spectrum first and it was my first time eating there! it was deliciousss. then blindfolded me again and had to endure through passerbys laughing at me :( but like riya said, i think i made many of their days seeing a helpless girl covered by an american flag scarf wearing a spongebob burger king hat hahaha. then we went to uni high.. to see irene! i was soo happy and surprised it was the best feeling :) then we went to northwood. and i really thought it was the beach. so that was kinda fail haha. and this was the most embarrassing fucking shit of my life. i still cant believe riya and heffy (and kevin?) made me do that LOL. you can see pictures on fb if you want to know what shit i went through haha. then kevin took me to fashion island! it was so pretty. went to mac store and took pictures, walked around and took pictures, went to build-a-bear and made kevin jr :) went to stores and tried on shit that we wouldnt buy -___- so many cute flannels and tops but he wouldnt let me buy them. good thing he was there LOL. then met up with the girls and kevins friends at spectrum. ate dinner at red robin and chillled. then everyone went to nrb while me and kevin left on our own :) 

overalll it was a great day; thank you girls and kevin for everything today.

1st person: thank you for yesterday. i got mad yesterday because i felt like i asked you to do something which you promised to, yet at the end of the day you couldnt keep it because of the guys. but i realized its kinda a stupid thing to get mad about especially since you and the girls did so much for me. thank you for everything girl.

2nd person: thank you too :) youre always there for me and to give me advice when i need it. i know we tend to fight a lot but recently we havent and thats a good sign haha. thanks for listening. and for the "save the dying dolphins" shit too. love you boo.

3rd person: you need to call me freaken asap.. stop lagging -____-

4th person: i miss talking to you. i still remember the day we randomly started talking because you were looking for this one girl that happened to look like me. we clicked like THAT and i miss that a lot. just sucks that we live so far away from each other. hope youre doing well and hopefully we'll be able to finally kick it one day :)

5th person: i love you and all but you seem really fake sometimes. kinda superficial. you seem so confident and happy on the outside, you try to hide your insecurity inside by doing whatever to keep that image. you can open up to us.. and not always be such a flirt too. haha

6th person: seriously my twin for life. girl you the best. we've been through a lot and im glad we always pulled through. i go to your house like everyday after school and i feel like i can tell you anything without being judged. thanks bestie

7th person: the other twin :) we havent caught up or chilled in a long time. we make plans but they never work out. i miss talking to you and being able to relate to each other about everything. stop being so busy you hoe. pick me up so we can go eat nigger

8th: i dont know you that well since youre a.. friends.. friend. haha. but i always catch myself looking at you cus youre so quiet, and i can tell that you have a lot of shit on your mind but you keep it in. let it out and open up whenever youre with us. let out your wild side :)

i want to say so much but i feel like i cant. theres things i want to do but i know not to do. all this internal conflict shit haha. i sometimes feel my old self coming back and being careless and doing what i want without thinking how it would hurt the ppl closest to me. but im turning 17 tomorrow. i need to grow up and get over it. but i still cant help wanting to go back..

maybe

things will get better starting from today..

i realized how important communication is today. dont keep things in; talk it out and hear the other persons response. usually youll get good feedback and see the other persons perspective. if not, well at least you tried :)

soo apush was kinda hard today :( but it was worth staying up pretty late for. i think im starting to hate writing with a passion -___- hurts my hand so much. i was a little depressed after my last period since apush was hard, but i got the best surprise visit from kevin :) i was so startled that i unconsciously closed my lock after taking literally a minute doing the combination. he brought me peach boba too! which totally brightened my day yeeee~ then went to choir sectional practice which were boringggg and then went to mi casa with kevin. i was just lying in my bed while he was working on college apps. i totally did not expect to actually knock out but.... i did. shows how pooped i am =( went to ctc and walked around. and talked. which was something i feel like we both really needed. yay :) saw chris.. and it was litto bit awks hahaha -___- ate at chipotle which was oh so gooood~ i didnt eat there for a long time gah! it was really good. came home and immediately got pounded on and screamed and yelled at by momma because she got the suspension letter.. i really thought the school wouldnt send it because it didnt come for like a month.. fuck my life to the max T___T shes really pissed at me right now. so idk how ima tell her about my plans for the weekend and thanksgiving break lol -___- anyways i made a list of goals to keep me in check and focused for this year. or at least a while:

1) stay in dress code; do not get tempted!

2) dont keep things in and tell him everything that bothers me or whatevers on my mind

3) eat less junk food.. total sacrifice :(

4) study and have good grades, like at least a 4.0 gpa

5) keep the mudder satisfied happy content whatever is opposite of mad and bitchy

6) stop spending so much money on useless things like JUNK FOOD 

7) get back on track with God..

hopefully i can keep all of these. the most important ones to me atm though are #2, 4, 5, and 7.

seriously so glad that i dont have hw tonight. i havent been procrastinating at all this whole week =) um hopefully this can last for a while.. hhaaha. peace outs :)

herrro

i havent written in this blog for a while.. so some updates :)

starting from veterans day break. whOoOo thank goodness for that hahahha. tuesday was kevins birthday kickback haha fun stuff. mm after school on tuesday went over to esthers then went back home to get ready. went back again to esthers and heffy picked us up with riya. traffic to irvine was reallly bad. went to chipotle for dinner so soo good! hehe. got to kevins.. met his friends.. drank a bit.. drank a bit more.. played bp.. drank.. sang.. LOL such a good stress reliever that night yayay. had to leave early with the girls cus of my stupid curfew at 11.. grr i cant wait to get my own car. got home and ktfo :)

wednesday.. saw kevin again. bbaebbaero day! ate so much that day.. seriously pasta with cheese drizzled all over ahhh :) watched fourth kind but moviehopped to some other weird movies LOL. then we went to eat at bcd for dinner. thenn mama came and went to brea.. got home after 10 and i had so much hw :(

thursday was school :( 

and so was friday :( i feel like i did something on friday but i forgot.. gg.

saturday went to six flags for the first time in my life! =) it was funnn. except that i had to wake up at 6 am so kevin could pick me up. after going to six flags i dont think i can go to knotts anymore.. or it would be too boring hehe. oh and i met andy the cutest sophomore ever :) little jahsheeks probably gonna be a player one day haha. got back to irvine around 8.. kevins friend chris and his friends came to eat soondooboo with us. got home around 1130.. i was soo tired. showered and got nagged by my momma about how i fail at life and studying but i gave her a kiss on the cheek and she calmed down :)

sunday went to church and talked sooo much with jen, kelly, and grace. tbh im sorta scared about how my futures gonna play out. junior years pretty tough and i need to do well this year.. boo so much stress :( went to lunch with the girls and got bullied by jason and austin and aaron like always. little hoes. hahhaha. then momma had to go to irvine so drove her up there. got home and went to brandons pacific youth symphony performance thing. it was freaken legit the place was really nice and they performed so well.. as much as i hate to admit it i really regretted quitting cello. i feel like i couldve gone so much farther and been more active if i just stayed consistent with it. 9 years gone to waste :( anyways brandon good job! you were outstanding :) and i saw ryan too! went out to dinner at curry house and ate so much seriously made me realize what a fatass i am sometimes. got dropped off back home, showered, and started hw at like 9 -___- the whole past week and weekend were so tiring.. but i loved it =) i especially cant wait for thanksgiving break next week also since its my 17th exactly on thanksgiving! kinda wanna have a kickback/party.. idk. hopefully things will work out.

well ima nap til momma gets home so we can go out to eat dinner at spoon house in gardena! my fucken fav restaurant in the world! really good food and grubbbbin :) k payce homesSsSss